What Sobriety Has Taught Me Thus Far
What Sobriety Has Taught Me
It seems like a lifetime ago that I was leading the life of an opiate addict. My life revolved around figuring out ways to keep the anguish of withdrawal at bay. During my addiction, I convinced myself of all the ways sobriety would absolutely suck. I had this idea in my mind that sobriety meant agreeing to live a life that was unexciting and uninteresting; Therefore, it meant being miserable.
I am pretty sure that every addict has their own warped interpretation of what sober living means to them and I was no exception to the rule. As I continued in my sobriety and began to piece my life back together, I realized that everything I thought I knew about sobriety was wrong. Though there are many, here are the top 3 things sobriety has taught me thus far.
1. Life is a gift.
Yes, sobriety has taught me about the fragility of life. Now that I have come out of addiction, I understand that every day is nothing short of a gift. Still, to this day I hear about friends and fellow addicts who have died because of their addiction, whether it be by overdose, accidents, criminal acts, or health issues due to the lifestyle. Every time I hear this, I am humbled by the reality that it could have easily been my name being brought up alongside such awful news. Now, I breathe in the air each day with a little more appreciation.
2. Drugs don’t equal happiness.
I recall dreading the idea of living a life apart from drugs because I couldn’t imagine how I could ever feel contentment without the help of narcotics. I knew my drug use was causing my brain chemicals to be thrown out of whack, and I just assumed the damage done was irreversible. Without the help of drugs flooding dopamine into my brain, I wouldn’t be able to feel any pleasure without it.
I convinced myself that through my addiction I achieved and experienced the climax, the epitome, the quota of feel-good chemicals. Something I failed to consider was the brain’s ability to repair and be restored once you stop poisoning it with synthetic chemicals. One thing that is for certain is that waking up sick every day and living an incredibly stressful lifestyle does not equal happiness. Looking back now, it’s hard to comprehend how I could have ever thought that it did.
3. I am not defined by my addiction.
Amidst the chaos of addiction, I lost myself and forgotten who I was. All the things that once kept my attention no longer were of interest to me. If it didn’t benefit my addiction, it simply didn’t matter. I became the shadow of my addiction, a darkened silhouette of it, blocking out all light. At that time in my life if you were to ask me anything meaningful about myself, you would have been met with silence and a blank stare.
The addiction had woven itself around every part of myself and my life. Once I was able to break free and undo all the tangled knots that were so intricately formed around my life, I was finally able to meet the real me. That may sound strange but it’s true, I had to learn who I was all over again. Now, 5 years later, I can confidently say who I am sober is the best version of myself and though my addiction is a chapter in my book, it is NOT the title of it.
